Mike Tyson Tattoos

Okay, our dinner has arrived and we are currently scarfing down takeout while throwing up posts (and that was an unintentional pun which we will not edit because the imagery is inadvertently colorful) because we are COMMITTED FASHION BLOGGERS and last night was like the Superbowl of fashion. We will not rest until we have exhausted the possibilities. Or at least get this and one more post about the boys up. Then we sleep the sleep of bloggers and get to the Elton John party tomorrow. Sound like a plan? Alrighty then! Let's rip these clothes!


Enh. Pretty. Standard. On any other occasion it could even be called "spectacular," but on Oscar night, such a dress fades into the background. It's Big Girl time on the red carpet and Oscar don't have no room for amateurs, girl.


She looks like a box of assorted chocolates.



Boobslyn Racker is more like it.

We actually did tiny gay gasps when we saw this. We admitted that we didn't actually love it, and we're sick to death of the black lace - seriously, that red carpet looked like a giant mantilla at points - but damn if it doesn't bring the drama. We really can't criticize it. She's working the shit out of it. His tux is fine but he skeeves us so hard it's not even funny.


Yikes. Honey, we don't want to alarm you but, whoever dressed you? Hates you. The length doesn't flatter her and her waist disappeared. Hair's kind of cute but the makeup looks heavy. So apparently, you can still trust your hair gay and fire your makeup and stylist gays for being bitches.


Standard trophy wife attire.


He's fine.


We love it. Sure, it's in many respects a typical Hollywood goddess gown, but we have a three-pronged rebuttal:

1) The color, which is lovely and exciting.
2) The asymetrical shoulders, which give it a lot of interest.
3) She's a stone cold fox, so shut up.


What a ridiculous dress. At least she puts her money where her mouth is and wears the same silly folded napkins she designs for Marchesa.


Well, the scarf looks stupid. We know it was chilly in LA last night, but he could have whipped it off for the photographers. The suit's fine; the hem not so much.


His jacket is too tight (as always) and her dress is lovely but my GOD are we tired of looking at variations of it.


Jessica Szohr's vagina is trapped in a cage, you guys.


Even if you hate the gown or hate the actress, you have to admit that girl is WORKING that shit, old Hollywood-style. A couple more seconds and she's going to start voguing. As it so happens, we like the dress too.


She looks good. It's standard in a lot of ways and we don't love her hair like that, but we can't really criticize it.


Poor thing had her dress compared to Anne Hathaway's all night, we'd bet.


We like a print, but that's like a pinata at a baby shower print. We can't.


We're not sure if we love it but it's a hell of a sight better than the Charles James gown she wore to the show.


This dress is vaguely unsettling.

And unflattering.


Man, you've really got to give it to the old gal. She looks great.


Nightgown.


This woman is a danger to herself and others.



She looks good, but her lipstick matches her dress exactly and we don't love that. We've given him a lot of leeway as a teen idol, but we can't sign off on this one. He looks a little ridiculous.


That jewelry is a CRIME paired with that dress. We love neither the dress nor the jewelry, but putting them together takes two inoffensive items and makes one VERY OFFENSIVE look. We're so mad at you right now, Tory Burch.


Batshit insane.

[Photo CRedit: getty, wireimage, style.com, elle.com]

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Labels: Fashion, Marchesa, Oscars, Red Carpet, Salvatore Ferragamo, Valentino, Zac Posen